


Children of Whores group chat fic

by itsmeganonthemoon



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Group chat, High School AU, Like an excessive amount, Texting, ill add more tags as i go i have no plan for this, lots of swearing, thats kind of important, why is there no real tag for that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-04-04 10:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14018064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmeganonthemoon/pseuds/itsmeganonthemoon
Summary: Aaron Burr is throwing a party... well a BIRTHDAY party. And he only invites seven people. This isn't going to go well...Hercules and Lafayette are dating but haven't told anyone yet.John has a crush on Alex, and doesn't know what to do.Lots of randomness and swearing. Hopefully it's pretty funny though and still makes sense.





	1. burrtiful

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> Wow, how weird it is to be writing authors notes again... it's been so long T_T. This is actually my first fic in the fandom. I just felt the urge to write and have been doing it for hours now so enjoy. It's pretty unproofread so excuse all the mistakes that weren't intentional.  
> I also wanted to say here that my friend Caitlyn came up with the title and group chat name so yay because I was so stuck on what to call it.   
> I had literally no plan when I sat down to write this so sorry if it makes literally no sense but yeah it is what it is I guess.  
> I should probably stop talking now and let you read the damn thing, huh?  
> I should probably stop saying "I"  
> Bye..

_Aaron Burr_ has added _Peggy Schuyler, Angelica Schuyler, Eliza Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton, John Laurens, Hercules Mulligan_ and _Marquis de Lafayette_ to the chat.

_Aaron Burr_ has changed his nickname to _burrtiful_

_burrtiful_ has changed _Peggy Schuyler_ 's nickname to _pegdoll_

_burrtiful_ has changed _Angelica Schuyler_ 's nickname to   
_commagirl_

_burrtiful_ has changed _Eliza Schuyler_ 's nickname to   
_alwayswearsblue_

_burrtiful_ has changed _Alexander Hamilton_ 's nickname to   
_writingdude_

_burrtiful_ has changed _John Laurens_ 's nickname to _freckles_

_burrtiful_ has changed _Hercules Mulligan_ 's nickname to   
_HERCULESMULLIGAN_

_burrtiful_ has changed _Marquis de Lafayette_ 's nickname to   
_LaffyTaffy_

_burrtiful_ has named the chat _children of whores_

writingdude: What is this??

burrtiful: I wanted to tell you all something

writingdude: What?????

burrtiful: youd think with writing so much youd have better grammar...

writingdude: I will punch you in the face. Tell me what it is

freckles: so youre finally coming out of the closet huh?

burrtiful: no actually

burrtiful: I wanted to tell you that I am throwing a party this Saturday and your all invited

commagirl: you're*

burrtiful: fuck you

commagirl: Is this why I got this nickname? I don't correct grammar that often... 

burrtiful: tell that to the essay you proofread last time we worked together on an english project

commagirl: Not my fault you don't know how to spell..

alwayswearsblue: Yeah and what's with my nickname? I don't always wear blue, and even if I did, I'd hope there was some other discerning part of my personality you'd pick up on instead of my dress sense!

burrtiful: I couldn't thhink of anything and you pretty much do always wear blue

alwayswearsblue: Oh I dont know! How about my name???

burrtiful: fine

_burrtiful_ has changed _alwayswearsblue_ 's nickname to _elizaaa_

burrtiful: happy?

elizaaa: sure...

HERCULESMULLIGAN: wait are we your only friends? It's not much of a party if there's only like 8 of us

HERCULESMULLIGAN: also my name is terrible as well why did you put thay?

burrtiful: yeah I might have overhyped it, it's literaly just my 17th birthday party

burrtiful: and I put that name because that's what @LaffyTaffy always says when he tries to find you at school

writingdude: where is Laf btw??

HERCULESMULLIGAN: well can you please change it its so... agressive

HERCULESMULLIGAN: in the shower I think

burrtiful: what to?

freckles: lol I love that u know that

commagirl: John are you 12? Who tf says “u”

freckles: m jus savin time

commagirl: :////

burrtiful: ok so youre just gonna ignore me? Thats cool

_burrtiful_ has changed _HERCULESMULLIGAN_ 's nickname to _dickulesdickigan_

dickulesdickigan: two can play at that game mateyyy

_dickulesdickigan_ has changed _burrtiful_ 's nickname to _burrthefucker_

burrthefucker: jokes on yuo i like it

dickulesdickigan: fine

freckles: I luv this this is hilarious

writingdude: I can't take them seriously but that's probably for the best

writingdude: I mean... I laugh every time I look at the screen but yeah

elizaaa: omg hahaha

pegdoll: I was gonna ask someone to think of a better nickname for me becauseim kinda offended but I think Im fine now

commagirl: yeah might be bettwe if we dont talk about it

burrthefucker: Oh mY GoDD you hve spelling misTAKES?!?! The pristine Angelica Schuyler types stuff wrong!>!

dickulesdickigan: I mean he got you there, Ang

commagirl: it's called reading the room- eveyone elsewas leaving their typos in so I did too

writingdude: one more thing- why is the chat called “children of whores”?? Is it a les mis reference or something

burrfucker: your mum thats why

commagirl: You are 12.

commagirl: also I love that you get les mis refernces

dickulesdickigan: you nerds

LaffyTaffy: sorry guys I was in the shower

LaffyTaffy: wait Herc why is your nickname dickulesdickigan

freckles: I cant believe he was right about the shower

commagirl: just scroll up its a long story

LaffyTaffy: I mean I'm literally at his house so that might help

freckles: WHAAATTT????

dickulesdickigan: ..

writingdude: ok John that's way too ott

writingdude: we want our friends to be comfortable to tell us stuff when- sorry IF- something happens

dickulesdickigan: nothings going to happen

dickulesdickigan: Laf reply to my message in the other chat

LaffyTaffy: sorry I dodn't notice, Im getting dressed

\---

_Hercules Mulligan → Marquis de Lafayette_

Hercules: Laf I'm really not ready for you to tell everyone sorry

Hercules: Laf???

Marquis: sorry again

Hercules: that's fine I just... can you say something?

Marquis: our friends are all really chill, I dont' see what youre worrying about

Marquis: but sure Ill keep it secret because I really like you and I want you to be comfortable in our relationship

Hercules: thanks

Hercules: I really like you too

Hercules: are you done in the bathroom yet I need to pee?

Marquis: lol yeah

\---

_children of whores_

pegdoll: eesh hit a nerve there John

dickulesdickigan: nah its not to do with that

LaffyTaffy: eww are you texting in the bathroom?

dickulesdickigan: way tot ell everyone Laf!

LaffyTaffy: *evil laugh*

\---

_Alexander Hamilton → John Laurens_

Alexander: you're toatlly right theyre hiding something

Alexander: theyre not definitely dating but I think theres sumthin theyre not telling us for sure

John: nah mate theyre a couple its the only think that makes sense

Alexander: ok you can think that but dont try to push them together yeah it just makes people uneasy

Alexander: besides we dont even know that they like guys I mean

Alexander: Herc did date some girls in middle school...

John: says the bisexual

Alexander: I'm just saying, hes 17 youd think hed have come out by now

John: you cant assume that

Alexander: and you cant pressure people to come out just because everyone knew you were gay before you did

Alexander: .. Sorry for snapping at you

John: it's fine.

\---

_John Laurens → Peggy Schuyler_

John: fuck alex

Peggy: um no thanks?

Peggy: why?

John: he was acting both biphobic and homophobic in a single conversation

Peggy: wait how can he be biphobic I thought he was bi

John: he was saying that herc having dated girls in the past was some sort of evidence of him not dating laf

Peggy: Maybe you should take your friends words that thyere not dating? Not to discredit you...

Peggy: what was he doing that was homophobic?

John: he then went on to say that I dont know what its like to come out just because im more stereotypical than other people

Peggy: yeah he has no right to say that

John: Peggyyyyy what do I do???

Peggy: You cant help who you like I mean come on

John: but hes being a dick...

Peggy: so tell him

John: What?? I can't do that! 

Peggy: do it or I will

John: fine I will

\---

_John Laurens → Alexander Hamilton_

John: Peggy told me to tell you that I think youre being a dick

John:... sorry

Alexander: aww youre talking about me behind my back? Have a crush John??

John: huh? What? No!

Alexander: wait do you actually?

John: nonono I'm just a terrible truther

Alexander: sorry dude I was just kidding

Alexander: didnt mean to expose you like that

John: Im not expossed youre incorrect

\---

_John Laurens → Peggy Schuyler_

John: fjhfhdfsuhsfugdskds help

Peggy: what?

John: he asked if I had a crush on him and I aid no but he didnt believe me what do I do

Peggy: you know what I'm going to say

John: yeah but you have to actually say it or I wont do it

Peggy: tell him

John: huuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh but I dont want to

Peggy: you know what I'm going to say next...

John: fine I'll do it youre so pushy

Peggy: if by pushy you mean wise and a great friend then yeah I am thank you for noticing

John: pshhh

\---

_John Laurens → Alexander Hamilton_

John: okay so Peggy told me to tell you something and you might want to sit down forthis

Alexander: I'm one step further, I'm lying down

John: good

John: goood.....

Alexander: just say the thing

Alexander: its not like I dont know what it is you could hardly have moved that far in conversation topics in that short amount of time

John: okay fine I kind of slightly like you a little bit

Alexander: I'm flattered...

John: and by that I mean kinda a lot and not like platonically

Alexander: really?

Alexander: wow I never actually thought youd say it

John: Peggy is kind of bossy

\---

_Alexander Hamilton → Peggy Schuyler_

Alexander: what do I do john just said he likes me

Peggy: he did omg finally

Peggy: do you like him?

Alexander: idk I guess

Peggy: Alex...

Alexander: fine yeah I think I do

Peggy: then tell him

Alexander: good idea..

\---

_Alexander Hamilton → John Laurens_

Alexander: I think I actually might like you too

John: seriously?

Alexander: yeah I mean I pretty much just realised to what extent and in what way but yeah

John: I'm calling you

\---

_Incoming call from 'John'_

“What sort of teenager uses a phone to ring people?” Alex opens.

“Teenagers that are talking about deeply emotional stuff and don't want their relationship to rely on texts?” John replies.

“So you want a relationship?”

“I mean yeah? If that's what you want.” John answers sheepishly.

“I might just take you up on that, John. But like, I might need some time to think first. How about we talk face to face tomorrow?”

“That's fine, take all the time you need.” They pause for a long time in their conversation.

“Can I hang up now?”

“Unless you have anything else to say...”

“No?”

“Okay sure.”

_Call ended_

\---

_Peggy Schuyler → John Laurens_

Peggy: so?

John: he said he needs some time to think but it sounded like he??? Likes me??????

Peggy: not so hard to fathom lol

John: uh yeah it is

John: I'm me :// and he's him O.O

Peggy: don't be so hard on youself. He messaged me and he really seems to like you

John: holy shit really?

Peggy: yeah :)

John: I actually love you

Peggy: **hugs** 

\---

_children of whores_

LaffyTaffy: lmao where did everyone go?

dickulesdickigan: I have no idea they all disappeared

LaffyTaffy: so weird

commagirl: aren't you two in the same room?

dickulesdickigan: fuck you we can do what you want

dickulesdickigan: WE*

LaffyTaffy: hahahah

commagirl: that really loses its meaning when you get that one word wrong huh?

pegdoll: shame on you herc

burrthefucker: SHAME SHAME SHAME

elizaaa: don't game of thrones in my nice clean chat

dickulesdickigan: yes the nice clean chat that's called “children of whores” and has two members named “dickulesdickigan” and “burrthefucker”

elizaaa: shhhhhhh no one has to knowww

burrthefucker: also this is MY chat we play by MY rules wheer people arent allowed to correct their typos and they can swear and game of thones all they like (within the boundries of the law)

commagirl: I mean to what extent can you even game of thrones within the boundaries of the law?

burrthefucker: have you even seen it?

commagirl: (no)

burrthefucker: then shut your mouth you filthy mudblood

pegdoll: wowowowow. You can say “dick” and “fuck” all you like but no using the m word please

dickulesdickigan: thats??? not even the right fandom?????

commagirl: plus youre the muggle I can actually do magic so...

burrthefucker: no you cant

commagirl: no I cant...

commagirl: (how do you know these things??)

burrthefucker: magic

commagirl: I hate you

writingdude: fuck off aaron

freckles: you done thinking alex?

writingdude: no this is part of my thinking process please dont rush me

freckles: sorry

dickulesdickigan: whatcha thinking about?

writingdude: youll know tomorrw if it goes the wy john wants it to

LaffyTaffy: leave them alone herc...

dickulesdickigan: just asking....

writingdude: its fine can we just change the subject?

burrthefucker: so my party is basically just going to be the 8 of us on saturday

elizaaa: wow way to make assumptions

elizaaa: you dont know that we can all come

burrthefucker: that was what I ws just about to ask

burrthefucker: so who can come?

elizaaa: I can...

pegdoll: lol

pegdoll: so can i

commagirl: me too

dickulesdickigan: I'll only go if Laf wants to

LaffyTaffy: I do actually

freckles: cute

freckles: sure ill come, alex?

writingdude: uh huh if everyone else is I guess

pegdoll: yo guys its hella late ig otta catch some Zs

dickulesdickigan: A) it's 10:22 and B) why are you talking like that?

pegdoll: A) I'm a smol bean and B) irony

commagirl: I mean she totally got you there herc

dickulesdickigan: har-di-har...

pegdoll: ayways goodnight

freckles: night -u-

commagirl: night pegs <3


	2. #confirmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo guys its half past one at night and im doing shit tomorrow so ill keep this brief
> 
> so ive been writing a lot recently and i think its because i just came out of like the deepest writers block ive ever had, and thats pretty much down to college being a bitch. I have a 2000 word essay due this monday and i only started it the monday of this week (its friday... well, saturday). This has not been an uncommon occurance but like??? I jjst seem to be able to write loads and idk whats up- this is the third chapter ive posted this week and its not even affected my work that much. I feel like my malec and joshler fics are like weighing me down right no because i feel like if im gonna be doing any writing it should be for those because people have been waiting so long for those, but sorry guys, im just not that inspired to write about that at the moment. Maybe I will in the future, i dont know. The ending i have planned for the malec one is pretty sad anyway so you could just class what ive written so far as an ending basically, and for the joshler one, I didn't even plan it past where they are in the story now, PLUS, ive almost completely stopped shipping it!
> 
> sorry I said id keep this short this is my longest A/N yet, enjoy the chapter dudes, and comment what should happen next because this is almost entirely unplanned

_John Laurens_ → _Alexander Hamilton_

John: I'm at school you in yet?

Alexander: Yeah I'm just at my locker

Alexander: You sure you wanna talk now? We only have like 10 minutes before class

John: Well... yeah

John: We can continue at break if it's not resolved I just wanna get to it yano??

Alexander: Sure, I'm sat by the window that's next to my locker now

John: I'm coming

\---

John walks up to Alex, shoving his phone in his pocket before waving sheepishly. “Hey.” He began.

“Hey.” Alex smiles at John, motioning for him to sit next to him.

“So should I just start or do you want to say something first?” John asks, “Or... did you want me to slickly lead into it?”

Alex chuckles at John's nervousness at this situation, after years of being friends, it seems weird to him that John is acting so differently around him all of a sudden, “No it's fine, just say what you need to say.”

“Okay, here goes.” John takes a deep breath, “I really like you. I mean, I love you but not romantically if that makes sense. Like I like you romantically but I don't think I love you that way. Is that a thing?”

“Um I guess?” Alex takes John's hand, grinning at him. “You're rambling a little but I think I get your point.”

“Well what I mean is that I want to date you, and I think from what you said last night that you want to date me too?”

“Yeah, I think I do.” Alex takes John's other hand, gently lacing their fingers together. John smiles at Alex, blinking away before returning his eye contact. He desperately wants to kiss Alex but knows this isn't the environment he wants their first kiss to be in the school corridor five minutes before class starts, so he settles for a hug instead. He wraps his arms around Alex's chest, feeling the way his lungs fill and empty with every breath and his heart beating fast and hard and _holy shit_ this is happening!

“So what are we like dating now?” John asks, cheek still firmly pressed to Alex's chest.

“If that's what you want.” Alex replies, “It's what I want.”

“Me too.” He smiles, grinning at Alex in time with the bell ringing, meaning that they should really be going to class now, but honestly, neither of them want this moment to end, so they sit there for a little while, just staring into each other's eyes.

“You two coming?” They heard Eliza's voice and their silence was interrupted, they shared one more look, this time of slight embarrassment at being seen in such a vulnerable state.

“Yeah.” Alex said, picking up his bag and taking John's hand as they walked to their first class of the day together.

\---

_Children of Whores_

elizaaa: guys I just saw something I think weve all been waiting for

elizaaa: its been like ten minutes seriously is no one interested in this hot goss

commagirl: no problem I was just being educated

writingdude: is it about me and john staring lovingly into each others eyes before lesson

freckles: #confirmed

elizaaa: holy shit yes

LaffyTaffy: ohmygo di ship it

dickulesdickigan: whats going on?

dickulesdickigan: ahh congrats guys!

elizaaa: I lve this

writingdude: thanks :-)

dickulesdickigan: eww who writes a smily face with a nose??

freckles: were breaking up thats abhorrent

freckles: im kidding youre fucking awesome im not gonna dump you over trivial shit plz take me back

writingdude: lol youre awesome too

elizaaa: awwwwwww

commagirl: okay I'm trying to understand differential equations here can you guys please not idc how fucking adorable you are

burrthefuck: guys angelica just got told off for texting

burrthefuck: her phone got confiscated

writingdude: and your first reaction was to text? Ivy league my ass...

burrthefuck: fuck you

writingdude: No Fuck Youuuuuu

dickulesdickigan: is that a reference? I feel like that's a reference

writingdude: yeah but I cant remember what from...

writingdude: but anyways I have to actually do this work now or ill never understand what the fuck Macbeth is saying at that feast

burrthefuck: fair enough dude bye also congrats about John

freckles: hes writing now but thanks uwu

\---

 _Marquis de Lafayette_ → _Hercules Mulligan_

Marquis: just btw literally everyone is cool with John and Alex

Hercules: what? I wasn't worried about our friends finding out, just friends of friends like Tom James or Charles who might be dicks

Marquis: a) I'm pretty sure Tom and James have a thing for each other have you seen them? b) we could just ask our friends to keep it a secret, if thts what really bothers you

Hercules: a) lol true b) yeah I think I'd actually be cool with that, but maybe we should tell thm in person rather than over text, it might be a bit of a shock

Marquis: it wont be but ok

Hercules: fair enough

Hercules: should we organise something fter school today or just tell them at Aaron's party?

Marquis: I'd rather sooner than later but I'm cool with either of those

Hercules: lets just go with the party I cant be bothered to organise anything whn were seeing eachother on saturday

Marquis: thats fine :)

Hercules: Laf youre so cool I love you thanks so much for this

Marquis: I love you too

\---

_Children of Whores_

commagirl: guys this is not funny the teacher took my phone and read the conversation

freckles: out loud??

commagirl: no dont worry

commagirl: but she did get annoyed at peoples nicknames and the gc name

burrthefuck: youre welcom

commagirl: also she said “im gonna have a conversation with Aaron and Alexander about their excessive use of swearing”

writingdude: wait how did she know who I was

commagirl: your profile pic dumbass

writingdude: oh shit yeah

commagirl: ivy league my ass...

writingdude: I cant believe youve done this

dickulesdickigan: ok that refernce I get

pegdoll: haha that vine was funny...

dickulesdickigan: where have you been?

pegdoll: I had drama you cant exactly hide your phone under your desk

dickulesdickigan: Laf was in drama

pegdoll: he does lights??? Thats kind of different??

commagirl: okay calm down guys

pegdoll: I am calm

writingdude: uh Ang I think youve been reading it wrong

writingdude: easy mistake to make though lol

commagirl: maybe im just projecting my anger at that teacher for calling me out when aaron was clearly typing but she told me off the bitch

writingdude: wow that sucks

commagirl: yahuh

pegdoll: and btw the reason im texting now and not laf is that hes doing his work on the light and going through the cues on a scene that im not in

dickulesdickigan: I know how it works pegs I did drama last eyar

pegdoll: okay sorry

dickulesdickigan: its fine dont worry about it

writingdude: okay lesson has almost ended I think we can now resist talking to each toher until break yeah?

commagirl: sure I can...

pegdoll: I mean I'm getting changed so yeah

dickulesdickigan: bye guys

writingdude: ba-bye


	3. *hugs*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these are fun to write... why have I never done this before??
> 
> (also you can tell I've only ever had small groups of friends because these conversations are robotic af)

When Hercules comes towards the table he and his friends usually sit at at break, the first thing he notices was Alex and John very clearly flirting, noticeable even from the other side of the canteen. He briefly considers going to sit somewhere else to avoid interrupting their moment, but John makes eye contact with him before he can.

“Hey guys.” He smiles at them, now seeing their laced fingers sitting on top of the table. He can't help but wish he could be this out-in-the-open about his own relationship, but the thought of everyone knowing was just... scary. It's not like he has any reason to believe any of the people in his school are homophobic, it was just that he didn't know how they might act around him. He guesses that he doesn't want things to change because of it. But he also loves Laf and doesn't want to lose him because of his own fears getting in the way of their relationship.

“Hi Herc.” Alex giggles as though the conversation he and John have just been having was hilarious.

Hercules sits down, “So how did this,” He motions between the two of them, “happen?”

“Well...” John begins, he and Alex turn towards him in unison, their legs swinging around to the front of their chairs, “We were talking last night and I realised I had feelings for him so I talked to Peggy and she told me to just tell him so I did and then...”

“And then I talked to Peggy and she told me the same thing so we said that we'd talk this morning so we did and we both said that we liked each other and wanted to go out so now we're going out.”

“Oh and Eliza saw us... embracing so that's what the thing on the group chat was about.” He finishes. Both of them are grinning so hard, Hercules is worried they might get stuck like that.

“Well, we all think you're really cute together so congrats for realising.” Hercules concluded.

“Realising what?” Eliza says, sitting down, a chocolate bar in hand.

“That they're in love with each other.” Hercules says.

“No no, we're not quite there yet.” Alex leans forward, waving his hands in denial.

“What's the problem?” Eliza exhales, “You used to say you love each other all the time before you went out.”

“Yeah but that's a different type of love. It's hard to explain.” Alex shrugs.

“Fair enough. I don't really understand but as long as you two are on the same page.” She smiled, having a mouthful of chocolate.

“We are.” John says, wrapping his arm around Alex's waist, which in turn causes Alex to wrap his arm around John's shoulder.

In the distance, they all hear Peggy say, “Oh they're already there!” Followed by Aaron, Laf and Angelica.

“That's so funny, we were looking all over for you guys but you're right here.” Angelica comments as she sits down next to Eliza.

“Why would we be anywhere else? This is our table.” Alex chuckles.

“We were waiting outside English for you.” Laf says, sitting down next to Hercules. “Peggy's idea.”

“Yeah sorry, we got let out early.” Eliza says.

“Oh, but I was gonna tell you some gay puns...” Peggy says.

“Like what?” John asks, resting his chin on his fists as his elbows rested on the table.

“Like, `queerly beloved`-”

“You got that from a tumblr post.” Angelica interrupts, scrolling on her phone. Peggy sticks out her tongue.

“Yeah, also we're not getting married.” Alex laughs and John grins at him.

“That was my best one.” Peggy says, frowning, “And yeah, they are all from tumblr.”

“Moving swiftly on.” Aaron cuts in, “It's Wednesday now and my birthday party's on Saturday so does anyone have any questions or are we all good?”

After a brief silence, Hercules says, “What will the atmosphere be like?” Aaron gives him a blank look so he elaborates, "Like will it be quiet or loud, will it be really busy?"

“I mean there's just going to be eight of us so pretty quiet I imagine.” Aaron replies, “Why? You getting migraines or something?”

“No, I just want to be able to talk to you all.” He says, smiling a little at Laf. In the corner of his eye, he notices Alex lightly whack John on the arm because he looked like he was about to say something, but Hercules dismisses it because he doesn't want to start anything messy at Break on a Wednesday.

“Okay.” Laf smiles at him.

“Any other questions?” Aaron asks.

“Can I bring someone else?” Eliza says, having now finished her chocolate bar.

“Who?”

“Maria. She's in my music class.”

“Got a crush?”

“Maybe a little.” She smirks at him.

“In that case, sure.” He types something on his phone, “She seems chill from what I know of her.”

“Um is it going to be a sleepover?” Peggy asks.

“If you want I guess.” He shrugs, “Is everyone down for that?”

They make noises in agreement, and Eliza says, “I'll ask Maria this afternoon.”

He quickly types this onto his phone as well, turning it off when he finishes.

“Anything else?” He sighs.

With all the, “No,”s and “Nope”s, Aaron knows they have all the information they need, so the conversation continues and changes throughout break.

After a short while, the bell rings again, meaning that they have to go to their next lessons.

\---

_Children of Whores_

burrthefuck: ugh mr frederick is sooo boring

burrthefuck: and very slightly insane

freckles: ? elaborate

burrthefuck: boring bc he gave us this huge presentation that wasnt even really to do with the eilliam the concerer 

burrthefuck: then he told us to answer this bunch of questions and here comes the insane part

burrthefuck: he started talking to a fire extinguisher

freckles: whatt was he sayinh??

burrthefuck: just like talking to it like it was his colleage or something

writingdude: ikr it was weird

writingdude: he wa s saying shit like “you gonna be in on monday?: and “yeah im giving them a test on this next week, and idek if the were listening”

freckles: really he said idek out loud

writingdude: shut up :}|

freckles: nice moustache whered you get it? The parenthesis factory?

writingdude: thats not even an isult

freckles: fuck you

writingdude: maybe tonight babe ;})

burrthefuck: well that took a TURN

elizaaa: lmao wtf omg

burrthefuck: said the 43 year old who just discovered acronyms

elizaaa: this is not a safe space...

burrthefuck: aand you were under the impression that it was because...?

elizaaa: i cri

writingdude: god, you say one wrong thing in this group chat and everyone is just on your ass about it

elizaaa: ikr you cant say anything here

writingdude: ok way to just repeat what I said

dickulesdickigan: lol

elizaaa: T.T

writingdude: kidding, obviously

writingdude: sorry...

elizaaa: its fine

writingdude: hugs?

elizaaa: *hugs*

freckles: hey dont go cheating on me on the first day of our relationship

writingdude: *hugs*

dickulesdickigan: wait who are you hugging there?

writingdude: *hugs*

freckles: are you just hugging everyone willy nilly?

writingdude: *hugs*

freckles: we're breaking up

writingdude: *hugs*

freckles: ok fine we can get back together...

writingdude: *hugs*

freckles: you have to stop now though

writingdude: *hugs*

freckles: seriously Alex

writingdude: *hugs*

freckles: stop.

writingdude: ok fine ill stop no need to use an endstop on me

freckles: jfc alex youre in history and im in art were not doing shakespeare rightn ow you can stop with the dramatic terminology

writingdude: aww but I like it

freckles: you nerd

writingdude: youre adorable *kisses nose*

freckles: ok gtg before I implode bc youre too cute

burrthefuck: guys this chat is supposed to be made of alcohol and salted popcorn not freaking candyfloss

writingdude: *hugs*

freckles: hahah


	4. The Office UK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry for the wait and that this chapters so shit

_Children of Whores_

dickulesdickigan: hey guys

elizaaa: sup?

dickulesdickigan: nothing I just wanted to say hey

-

_Marquis de Lafayette - > Hercules Mulligan _

Marquis: what was that??

Hercules: ugh I was gonna tell them I'm bi but then I chickened out

Marquis: you don't have to if you don't want

Marquis: lets just wwait to saturday yeah?

Hercules: sure <3

Hercules: i just wanted to foreshadow a bit first

Marquis: john already knows and i think alex does too

Hercules: what?

Marquis: i mean they worled it out

Marquis: we can be pretty obvious..m

Hercules: very true

-  
_Children of Whores_

burrthefuck: Herc you weirdo

dickulesdickigan: that's fair

LaffyTaffy: I concurr

dickulesdickigan: wow rude

burrthefuck: trouble in paradise?

dickulesdickigan: we're not a couple

burrthefuck: I literally read that in john watsons voise

LaffyTaffy: oh my god Herc I'm Sherlock you're John

dickulesdickigan: I can't believe you...

LaffyTaffy: we actually are because im hella lazy and you have to taks care of me and im tall with curly hair and you're short with short hair

LaffyTaffy: Also you're the one who always denies that we're a couple

dickulesdickigan: I'm not short??

LaffyTaffy: lmao that's the thing youre arguing with here

dickulesdickigan: its true you never say were not a couple

dickulesdickigan: back to the point we're like the same height you just have bigger hair

LaffyTaffy: I literally always keep it tied up you pancake

dickulesdickigan: pancake?

LaffyTaffy: if you're offering

dickulesdickigan: pshhh

LaffyTaffy: haha

burrthefuck: wow you two type fast that conversayion happened in the space of like 3 minutes

LaffyTaffy: yeah we waited till youd left so we could have a real conversation

burrthefuck: i mean theres such a thing as private messaging but ok

LaffyTaffy: well theres such a thing a s a joke

writingdude: wow good use of syntactic parallelism

burrthefuck: I hate that you just said yhat

dickulesdickigan: where have you been this whole time?

writingdude: I was asking questioms on whether the english woulve won the battle of hastings if they hadnt just come back from battlr with the vikings

writingdude: interesting stuff

burrthefuck: you reallya re a nerd

dickulesdickigan: such a nerd

dickulesdickigan: youre like nerdier than angelica

writingdude: angelica isnt a nerd she just likes good grammar

commagirl: no im a nerd you can say it

burrthefuck: have you been lurking??

commagirl: yrah butv only since like just before alex got back

LaffyTaffy: well i nevre thought shed admit it

commagirl: i mean theres nothing wrong with it i just didnt have anything to say

burrthefuck: Know what Ang?

commagirl: What...

burrthefuck: you can be pretty chill sometmes

commagirl: thank you???

burrthefuck: Speaking of pretty chill girls

commagirl: oh okay

burrthefuck: I invited this girl called Theodosia to my party on sat 

LaffyTaffy: wait doesnt she have a boyfriend

LaffyTaffy: isnt he a dick

burrthefuck: yes and yes but shes not shes really cool weve been texting like everyday

\---

_Hercules Mulligan- > Marquis de Lafayette _

Hercules: we cant do it if shes there I dont know her she might tell her bf

Hercules: and he hangs around with that teachers pet samuel and hes bound to tell fucking charles or something

Marquis: but we cant just say hey dont bring theo because then what about maria

Hercules: yeah I don't really trust her that much either

Hercules: but like I trust elizas trust in her so that I could manage

Hercules: also its a shitty thing to do to tell someone who they should and shouldnt bring to their birthday party yaknow

Marquis: maybe we should just tell them beforehand

Marquis: or we could try and get them alone at the party?

Hercules: but then theyd be pretty likely to conclude what wed said given what would happen next

Marquis: I don't know, well work it out though ok?

Hercules: thanks for being so awesome

Marquis: we end every conversation like this

Marquis: love you

Hercules: love you too <3

Marquis: ok 12 year old girl who draws a heart like less than three

Hercules: shush...

\---

_Children of Whores_

elizaaa: yeah im cool with theodosia coming

elizaaa: id be a bit of a hypocrite if I wasnt tbh

dickulesdickigan: where have you been?

elizaaa: I was disecting a heart and didn't want to get the juices all over my phone

commagirl: gross thanks for the image

burrthefuck: juices? I think its called blood mayte

dickulesdickigan: I regret asking....

elizaaa: its not so bad once you get over the fact that it used to throb every second of every day

burrthefuck: throb? I think its clled beating mate

dickulesdickigan: your word choice is very poor tody eliza

commagirl: eww throb

commagirl: thts officially my least favourite word now

elizaaa: says the straight sibling

commagirl: an the gay one is the one who associates “throb” with “penis”

elizaaa: yes

elizaaa: I happen to think about penises a lot

dickulesdickigan: same

burrthefuck: um what

dickulesdickigan: I mean... nevermind I was late to reply

commagirl: sureee

\---

_Hercules Mulligan - > Marquis de Lafayette_

Hercules: im such an idiot lmao

Marquis: but youre my idiot

Hercules: youre supposed to argue withj me but sure ill take tht

Marquis: luvvu

Hercules: piss off..

\---

_Children of Whores_

LaffyTaffy: lol

commagirl: wow so even youre not going to back him up here

LaffyTaffy: just take his word for it

LaffyTaffy: its still funny either way

dickulesdickigan: I hate you

elizaaa: its ok herc you take your time

LaffyTaffy: okay can people not with the gay jokes its kind of offensive

commagirl: sorry Ive been watching too much The Office UK

burrthefuck: well thats the second martin freeman reference of my newborn group chat anyone wanna make it a hat trick and mention bilbo baggins???

LaffyTaffy: wow

elizaaa: that came from the soul

elizaaa: also yeah martin freeman is pretty homophobic i nthat show

elizaaa: but also hes just making fun of gareth's homophobia so maybe it'sn ot so bad?

commagirl: idk I generally just laugh at his face after someone says somethig stupid

elizaaa: ikr its brilliant

burrthefuck: enough this isnt about the office

commagirl: also Ricky Gervase can be pretty funny but like other times his character is kinda sexist

elizaaa: true

LaffyTaffy: I just watched the US version

commagirl: sacrilege

dickulesdickigan: thanks for changing the topic though ang

commagirl: no problem you looked like you needed it

burrthefuck: but now you just brought the topic up again so it seems like you dint really want us to change topic

burrthefuck: *plays x files themetune*

dickulesdickigan: ehh whatever

LaffyTaffy: Nonchalant. Good idea.

commagirl: ohhhh

dickulesdickigan: Stop it. Get some help.

burrthefuck: hey, no correct grammar allowed

burrthefuck: get outta here

dickulesdickigan: fuck you then

burrthefuck: no thanks

dickulesdickigan: oh no whatever shall I do without your penis

burrthefuck: okay thats enough penises for one lessons conversation thanks

dickulesdickigan: do you do anything except criticize

burrthefuck: no

dickulesdickigan: oh the bell just rang and ive done no work

burrthefuck: same


	5. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said I'd focus on the LAMS date in the next chapter, but the side characters needed developing so idk what to tell you. From my previous track record, don't expect anything else from me until February after this.

"Hi." Alex says.

John smiles at him and sits down on the window ledge by his locker, as they did the day before.

After a brief pause, John says, "So I was thinking-" at the same time as Alex says, "Do you want t-"

"You go first." Alex chuckles at him.

John grins, subtly glancing down at his boyfriend's lips before starting again with, "So I was thinking... We need to do something, just you and me. Like, we should go out somewhere. I was thinking tonight, if that's alright with you. I mean we could go after Aaron's party if you want, but I kind of want to do it as soon as possible."

"Tonight's fine. Great, perfect, even." Alex says.

"Okay cool."

"Cool." They both grin at each other before going to their first class of the day.

\---

As soon as they see each other again, at break, they walk to the canteen with their arms around each other's waists

"You two," Eliza says when she sees them, "are the most adorable couple at this school. What the fuck."

John giggles, "Thanks, Eliza." Before sitting down across from her, Alex in the seat next to him. 

“Soo... How's it been, you know... going?” She says suggestively, not even bothering to hide the giant grin on her face.

“What do you-?” John asks.

“She means have we had sex yet.” Alex cuts him off, rolling his eyes (and his head with them), “Right, Eliza?”

“Well, have you?” She pushes.

“What? No, we haven't even kissed yet.” John says, baffled, “We haven't even been on a date.”

“Seriously? Why haven't you kissed?”

“Well, I don't know about Alex here, but I just wanted our first kiss to be... special, y'know?”

“Oh my God that is seriously adorable.” Eliza says, “I love it.” She raises her eyebrows at Alex.

“He just didn't seem ready, I wasn't going to push anything.”

Eliza makes a shrill squeaking noise as Aaron reluctantly approaches the table, water bottle in hand.

“Is there a fucking mouse in your throat, Eliza, what the fuck?”

“Alex and John are so adorable I almost just exploded.” She explains.

“A. They aren't fictional, it's... unseemly to make a noise like that to your friends.” He sits down as he talks, and Alex mouthes the word “unseemly” to John, which makes him giggle, “B. You're a freaking lesbian. I thought girls only made that noise when they had a crush on one or both of the other parties.”

“A. Fuck you, and B. I can make whatever noise I want, so fuck you.” Eliza lists on her fingers.

“Soz babes, I'm taken.” Aaron says, taking a sip of his water as the other three dwell on the irony of that statement.

“Yeah and so's Theo.” Alex mutters, only just loud enough that all three of them hear.

“So what about the date?” Eliza asks John, who pulls a confused face, “I mean, why haven't you been on a date yet?”

“Because we got together freaking yesterday.” He says, pulling a face that universally means “duh”.

“We're going tonight. John has a place in mind, I think,” He directs his gaze at John, who nods.

“Nice.” Eliza grins.

Aaron, fiddling with the sports cap of his water bottle, says, “Well, Theo and I have kissed many times.”

“Good for you.” Eliza rolls her eyes.

“What about Maria?” Aaron asks her while John and Alex discuss plans for their date, John being very elusive in the hopes of keeping everything a surprise, and therefore, in his opinion, more romantic. “You said you like her, right?”

“Yeah, but I'm not even sure if she likes girls.” Eliza stares at the dotted pattern on the cafeteria table as she talks, “Plus, she's been with her boyfriend for a while now, and I don't want to be like... a homewrecker, or whatever.”

“Well, I could try and talk to her if you want.” He says.

She chuckles, “Um, no offence, but I really don't see that helping.”

“Fair enough,” He shrugs. There is a pause before he raises his finger as if he is pointing at the lightbulb that has just appeared over his head, “Or... I could get Theo to talk to her. Their boyfriends are fairly close, so it wouldn't seem weird for them to be talking to each other.”

“You probably don't hear this a lot, Aaron, but _good idea_.” He shoves her shoulder playfully, both of them laughing. “Though that does present a whole new problem... what do we do about their boyfriends?”

“I was thinking feed them drain cleaner and leave them with copies of Moby Dick or The Bell Jar.” He smirks.

“Nice try, but that's the plot to Heathers.” 

“Shit, I knew I recognised it somewhere.” Aaron tears the water bottle label into little strips, but made sure still attached at the top, so it looks like a hula skirt. “I figured I'd just let our relationship go on for a while before asking her to choose.” He winced, “Maybe in a kinder way, though.”

“Yeah but you already know Theo is chill with cheating. Maria's boyfriend is the only relationship she's had except in elementary, which obviously doesn't count. Also, I don't want her to be the type of person who would cheat, because the endgame here is for us to date, at least until we got to college.”

John and Alex have finished their conversation about the date, and are now just eavesdropping on Eliza and Aaron's conversation.

“I mean, if she doesn't even like girls then this is null, but you could just tell her what you just said if you ever get to that point.” Aaron replied.

“True.”

\---

_Alexander Hamilton → John Laurens_

Alexander: Hey bb

John: Why are you texting in lessons

Alexander: Because Philosophy is so very boring

John: hence why I didn't pick it...

Alexander: what are you drawing

John: your dick

Alexander: you've never seen my dick

John: touche

John: I'm actually looking for a photo that can go next to this abstract painting I did in my workbook

Alexander: ah ok

John: art is not as easy or fun as it's cracked up to be

Alexander: better than philosophy tho

Alexander: gtg explain why morality most likely isn't objective, even with a creator

John: ok

John: I found a photo btw, its of the bubbles in a coke glass

John: oh youve gone ok

\---

_Marquis de Lafayette → Hercules Mulligan_

Marquis: I wonder if everyone were wondering where we were at break

Hercules: probably not, I mean not evryone always shows up anyway

Marquis: what if someone saw us

Hercules: it's normally me who worries about that type of thing

Marquis: Maybe youre rubbing off on me

Hercules: ;)

Marquis: shut up

Hercules: I apologise for any effect ive been having on you

Marquis: lol no I refuse to winky face

Marquis: I have to go the teachers told us to actually do something

Hercules: ok bye babe <3 ;)

Marquis: one more and we're breaking up

Marquis: kidding ily bye

\---

_Aaron Burr → Theodosia Bartow_

Aaron: hey

Theodosia: hi whats up

Aaron: so this might seem like a weird question but you know Maria?

Theodosia: she's sitting right in front of me so yeah?

Aaron: well could you maybe talk to her about something

Theodosia: depends what

Aaron: um so my friend has a bit of a crush on her and I was thinking that the best was to determine if she'll like said-friend is to ask you to talk to her

Theodosia: Im pretty sure she has a boyfriend

Theodosia: Yeah she does his name is James

Aaron: so do you

Theodosia: fair point whats his name

Aaron: _her_ name is Eliza

Theodosia: oh OH ok I understand. Should I ask if Maria likes girls or Eliza specifically? Because she might take it the wrong way or something

Aaron: start with girls and then if she says yes then mention Eliza

Aaron: shes fine with people knowing shes gay she just doesnt want to broadcat it yaknow

Theodosia: sure, I'll ask now

\---

Theodosia taps Maria on the shoulder, “ _Salut_ , Maria.” she says (they are in French class, and Theodosia a) doesn't want to draw attention to them by talking in English, and b) knows that half of the class's French ability- or lack thereof- means that no one will understand what they are saying this way, except the teacher, she supposes, but she knows he won't tell anyone who doesn't need to know anyway).

“What?” Maria says, continuing their conversation in French.

“So I just got this slightly strange text message from a... uh... friend of mine, and... it was kind of about you.” Theo begins nervously.

“In what way.” Though Maria's French accent isn't the best, she seems to understand everything Theo is saying, so she continues.

“My friend- a different friend than the one who texted me- has a bit of a, uh...” She falters, not knowing the French word for “crush”, “likes you. And the friend who texted me asked if I could ask you whether you maybe like her too?”

“Her?” Maria asks, suddenly seeming confused at the pronoun. “Who is it?”

“I was told to uh... ask if you like girls first?” Theo says, still nervous around Maria. They are friendly with each other, and often sit near each other in classes because they're both reasonably smart, and help each other when they need it- but they're not friends, not really.

“I've never really thought ab-” Maria stares into space for a second, before hearing a slight buzz from the phone in the other girl's pocket. 

“One minute, sorry.” Theo says in English.

\---

_Eliza Schuyler → Theodosia Bartow_

Eliza: I'm in this class as well, you know

Eliza: I can understand French, you know

Theodosia: Aaron seemed like he wanted me to talk now

Eliza: I guess it is better for me to hear exactly what she has to say

Theodosia: yes, even if it is in french

Eliza: ok continue, thanks for the help btw

Theodosia: no problem

\---

“Sorry about that.” Theo says in French. “That friend just cannot shut up.”

“Don't worry about it.” Maria dismisses.

“So? Your answer?” 

“I've never really considered having any attraction to girls.” Maria says. “But I know who both your friends are, and I won't say either of their names in case of eavesdroppers- we are in a French _lesson_ after all- but really I have a boyfriend, so I would probably have to say “no”. _Je suis désolé_  
.” She looks to where Eliza is sitting, a few seats over from her, a sad, yet supportive smile on her face.

\---

_John Laurens → Alexander Hamilton_

John: the date starts immediately after last lesson, and ends around 7

John: meet at our window ledge at precisely 15:50 today

Alexander: what happens if I'm late?

John: idk just play along ok

Alexander: sure... (not gonna make the obvious joke)

John: use the bathroom beforehand. I have a fun-filled evening planned for you.

Alexander: ominous....


End file.
